Mindfulness for Parents: Parent Burnout

What is parent burnout?

Most people are familiar with the type of burnout you may feel from your job, but there is a lesser-known type of burnout related to being a parent, and that's parent burnout.

There is a harmful myth that parenting is always rewarding, joyful and that you must be a superhuman parent. Those daily temper tantrums when you are trying to get out of the door, constant sibling fights, sleepless nights, the demands, the yelling, crying or overloaded schedule are difficult to cope with and do not always match the dream you had of becoming a parent.

Parent burnout is pretty common. Research has shown as high as 60% of parents have reported experiencing critical levels of burnout symptoms at some point. Most parents don’t ask for help because they do not believe or know they are experiencing burnout.

What are the symptoms of parent burnout?

Parent burnout is burnout specific to your role as a parent. While you may feel accomplished at your job and feel emotionally fulfilled around your friends, when it comes to being around your children, you find yourself emotionally and physically drained and overwhelmed, often carrying around a sense of hopelessness in overcoming your parenting obstacles. Parent burnout is more than fatigue.

As a result of burnout, you may find yourself distancing yourself from your children, a sense of numbness or feeling like you are operating on autopilot in an effort to cope. If you find yourself frequently fantasizing about what it would be like to walk away from all parenting and family responsibilities, you might be experiencing burnout.

Another symptom of parent burnout is the frequent feeling of being an ineffective parent and losing a sense of accomplishment from parenting. You may feel it frequently and like you are always doing something wrong. When parenting multiple children or children with developmental challenges, a parent’s level and feelings of burnout can be increased.

How can parent burnout affect children?

If you are a parent experiencing burnout, you might have noticed you are running on empty and feel unable to be emotionally present with your children or give all of the love and joy you’d like to give and know you are capable of giving. This reality makes it difficult for parents to model and teach coping skills, as the parents themselves are struggling. As parents react to their children with yelling, scolding and possibly even spanking when stressed, children will be more likely to respond with yelling and hitting when stressed. This makes home life even more emotionally challenging. One study found that parent burnout can interfere with a secure attachment relationship with children, the foundation to children’s development. As parents, it’s up to us to check in with ourselves to identify when we are burnt out and what to do about it to serve ourselves and our children better. Self-compassion in times of stress is challenging, but when practiced, it sets an example for children on how they can manage their emotions and behavior.

When parents experience burnout, they tend to feel stuck or constantly trapped in situations that cause elevated stress and emotions. Research suggests there are ways to change things in our lives to reduce burn out and it’s much easier when you have help. Like children need parents, sometimes parents need someone to look out for them, too.

What can parents do to decrease parent burnout?

• Ask family, friends, neighbors or your community for help
• Plan to hire a babysitter, nanny or try out after-school childcare
• Access community supports that provide free to low-cost childcare and/or after-school activities
• Hire help around the house with chores, or try delegating chores to your children to establish responsibility
• Seek out laughter through connecting with friends and reconnecting with what brings you joy as an individual
• Seek out a safe space to talk about the stresses of parenting, whether that’s with a trusted friend, support groups, or professional therapy. Reach out to your primary care provider if you feel that you may be suffering from significant burnout.

Start small with a commitment to a self-care practice. Take space to remind yourself of what makes you as an individual feel good and whole. Perhaps it’s a five-minute meditation in the morning or a walk at lunchtime.

Whatever it may be, remember to make space for yourself. And if you need help, ask for it. It takes a village.

For tips on how to prevent parent burnout, please see our guided meditation below: