Mindfulness for Parents: How to Cope with Stress

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment, noticing emotions and thoughts without judgment and viewing oneself from a place of compassion.

Scholarly research demonstrates that mindfulness practice alters the brain structures that lead to improved psychological well-being (happier, more relaxed and more appreciative), increased attention and reduced stress and anxiety. Mindfulness has even been shown to change brain chemistry in the areas of our brain that help us manage emotions and areas related to memory and attention. It does not take away stress and feelings or change what happens to you, but it does change your relationship with what happens and with your feelings and thoughts. There is so much power in tuning in so you can tune out chaos, stress and feelings of burnout.

How can I cope with stress?

Your ability to be mindful can be improved through meditative and self-care practice. People who regularly meditate consistently experience higher levels of self-compassion and overall positive well-being and significantly lower levels of psychological symptoms, burnout and difficulties with managing emotions.

Without mindfulness, you may be more likely to fall into more automatic processing of what’s going on inside of you when you are triggered. With automatic processing of your feelings and bodily reactions, you are more likely to have reactive behavior that only exacerbates the strong feelings you are having. For example, you may quickly snap at your children making your upset child escalate their own emotions and behaviors. Reactive behavior comes from allowing the negative emotion to control you or attempting to escape from the emotion. Reactive behavior can look like dismissiveness, blaming, rejection, anger, yelling or withdrawing to avoid what is making you anxious.

When you practice mindfulness during stressful times or when strong emotions are triggered inside of you, you are more likely to be present and aware of your feelings and thoughts in the moment. Then, you are also more likely to notice how these thoughts and feelings impact how you respond to yourself and others around you.

How can mindfulness impact parents?

Being mindful allows you to manage difficult times in a more successful way because you are in control of your behavior regardless of your child’s behavior. In the moment, when you are more aware that you are triggered, you can stop yourself from reacting with unhelpful behavior and be proactive in calming yourself. Once you’re calm, you can better see what is needed from your child’s perspective. This practice helps you separate their needs from your own emotions and stress and helps you to respond and connect to their needs accordingly.

Being mindful also means you can model managing difficult emotions for your children. For example, you might have noticed that the more you yell, the more your child yells or vice versa. The same can happen with the more you stay calm and mindful, the more your child will learn to stay calm and mindful. Parents are their children’s first teachers. Children are sponges and learn so much from you – even things like coping with stress and frustration.

What's the 4-to-1 rule?

There’s a popular 4-to-1 rule that every parent should try: For every singular negative interaction you have with your children, you should have four positive interactions after. The more positive interactions you have with your children daily, the more your children will listen to demands and the easier it becomes to handle moments of conflict that are bound to arise. The same principle applies to your child. Children and adults thrive off of positive affirmations. This is an excellent time to allow positivity to shine.

How can I begin a mindfulness practice?

You will be better able to teach your children the importance of mindfulness if you practice it yourself. Make a commitment to practice mindfulness every single day. Choose a time in your daily routine to incorporate the practice and post it on a visual schedule. We are more likely to stick with new behaviors if we are purposeful and intentional with our behaviors.

Start small and stay consistent. Even a small amount of time devoted to mindfulness each day (5-10 minutes) can reap large benefits.

Guided mindfulness activities can be found online or on apps. Relaxation apps are great options to help guide you in your deep breathing and other mindfulness strategies. Apps like Headspace, Smiling Mind, iMindfulness and Mindfulness Daily are evidence-based apps that can be helpful to you on your mindfulness journey. Other apps like Stop-Breathe-and-Think, Calm and Insight Meditation Timer are great choices, too. Apps specifically focused on mindfulness for anxiety include MindShift and Unwinding Anxiety.

Remember that it is okay if you haven't been caring for yourself as well as you know you can or had the ability to be as present as you would like. Getting upset and talking negatively to ourselves only hurts us more. You are here, be kind to yourself and do what you can by setting an attainable priority.

For five steps to reduce anxiety, please follow along with our guided meditation below.